*sigh* what to do. I once more feel hopeless but a slight sense of peace and confidence. I am like 3 weeks away from being with the semester. That's a relief I guess. I register Jan.8. I feel as though I should get all my classes since registration starts the 5th and I'm a graduating senior. I have epic priority now.

So the best friend and my ex alliance buddy Tiger are going to start dating or are dating or whatever. I used to like him before summer started, but I guess I lost interest. I guess its just frustrating me that nothing works out with anyone and I feel like a fool around him now. I feel like he just looks at me with pity and I hate how close we used to be and how we are nothing to each other. He says i'm a friend but I call BS. You have to talk to friends at least drop a txt message every now and then not tell them "this is the last you'll see of me." "I feel sorry for you, you can't catch a break" Or snap at them. I feel like things are different with my best friend to. We have been besties since 8th grade but I don't know how to fix anything. Everything I try comes out wrong.

The Gazelle has vanished again like he said he wouldn't. I average about a 10 minute convo with him once a week. I figure I will just keep trying until he tells me to stop. What do I really have to lose? Maybe he did lie when he said he liked me and that we had good chemistry. I just can't accept that. We used to talk so much and when we were around each other it was wonderful. I don't really see anyone else who peaks my interest and I'm looking, I really am. I frown when ever I see the kind of car he drives =[

Pillows is about the only guy who I'm happy with at the moment. We have been talking a lot and hanging out a lot. We even ran errands together and went to Disneyland. I feel a connection to him and not in a bf/gf way. I don't know I just feel more comfortable like I don't have to hold back with him. He is moving to LA soon, i'm bummed to see him go but I know he has nothing left here. I don't really feel attached to him and really my concern is his well being, not him so much.

So for all this that upset me yesterday I feel a sense of peace with everything and confidence that it'll work out for the best. I don't want to listen to it but I have that tiny hope that the Gazelle is not done. He prolly is though. I just want something to work out with someone and not lose my friends in the process. I feel like try to hard but I also feel like if I don't push and pull i'm being to inactive and letting life pass me by.